A couple of weeks ago one of my regular readers (thanks, Mam Adar!) pointed me to an article about Yosuke, a Congo African Grey that lives in Japan. He escaped from his home and was missing for about two weeks before he was rescued by police and taken to a vet's office where — after settling down for a bit — he told everyone his name and address, and regaled them with a heartfelt rendition of "All Along The Watchtower." (Well, actually, the article doesn't say what the bird sang, but that'd be cool, wouldn't it?) The police checked on the address the bird recited, and Yosuke was reunited with his family. Yahoo! News published the AP story "Lost parrot tells veterinarian his address" on May 21. It's a great story.

In fact, several people pointed me to the piece, and I've heard reports that bosses everywhere printed copies of the article, and quietly left them on the desks of bird lovers. Which suggests interesting things about work dynamics in the United States, but I guess that's a different story.

The article obviously has me thinking about what I might teach Harley to say, in case he gets lost. Having just moved, our new address doesn't seem "permanent" yet, and really, you just never know when you might get uprooted in this economy. Phone numbers are currently more permanent than addresses, and with a bit of planning and attention you can have complete control over an e-mail address.

But in my experience, it isn't easy to teach a bird what to say. Harley arrived in Michigan knowing how to say "are you ready for bed," and "are you hungry." But that last one usually comes out "ya hung?" Which could be somewhat awkward in polite conversation. The phrases I've tried to teach him (like "I'm the bird, gotta love me"), or the things I find myself saying frequently (like "all righty then" [I know, I know], or "you're adorable") never get repeated. Instead, I hear the awkward sighs of a 45-year-old slightly creaky woman getting up from the couch, and "uh huh." All the time.

I've had the best luck with "ch" sounds. Harley arrived knowing how to say "I love you so much" — which, while not something I'd try to teach on my own, is ADORABLE. Over the year he's been here, he's learned how to say "yo soy muy macho," "you're so macho," "you're so immature," and a sound that's a combination of "choo-choo" and alien phaser fire.*

But the other problem is the bird's memory. If he learns this address and I move, do I have to leave forwarding information here for years to come? How many places might I take him over his (hopefully) long life? How many new addresses can I expect him to learn? And wouldn't I rather spend our training time teaching him to say "I'm the bird, gotta love me?"

Take this YouTube video, for example.

Sure, it's great that Smokey has learned to say "Obama, yes we can!" But Senator Obama's new presidential slogan is "change we can believe in." Will Smokey learn to say that? And if Obama becomes president will there be a new slogan for Smokey to learn? And worse (much, much worse) if Obama loses the election, will Smokey's humans go crazy listening to him say "Obama, yes we can!" over and over again?

Yes, I think so!

I'd much rather spend the rest of my life having Harley tell me how immature I am.

* Harley's former mom is welcome to chime in, in case she's the one who taught him to say any of these things!